I know you’ve been wondering, and I am so happy to report that I’ve found my retainer. I actually went looking for it a few months back, and thought it had been lost to the garbage since I’d moved out of the house. I couldn’t blame mom, considering I would have probably done the same thing. I mean really, who wants a 10 year old multi-thousand dollar piece of plastic?
But in a miraculous moment I was going through the bottom dresser drawers at my parents’ new house, and like a tiny gift, I found it in cahoots with an old razor and pumas stone. I’m embarrassed to tell you that I was ecstatic. I immediately brought it to the bathroom, gave it a good rinse, brushed it with some industrial-strength toothpaste and shoved it against the roof of my mouth.
“I FWOUND MY REEETHAINER!” I yelled across the house, “AND ITH STHILL FWITTHS!”
Mom was so proud.