I was standing in line at the gas station cash register waiting to pay for a bottle of water.  The old guy in the middle of paying for–heaven knows what–was smoking a cigarette.  “Excuse me sir, you can’t smoke in here,” the cashier calmly said.  He grunted and turned around and I could see his partially buttoned cotton flannel shirt and long gray hair.  He walked toward the door, holding the burning cigarette between his thumb and middle finger.  In a sing-song manner, and to no one in particular, I could him say “eff yoOOoooU” (only he didn’t say eff) on his way back from putting the cigarette out.  Back at the counter he disgruntly asked, “What.? It’s against the law or sump’in?”  “Yes, sir, it is.”   He raised his voice, “well why don’t you just arrest me?”  She calmly finished the transaction and he left.

Dear Moron:

Yes.  It IS against the law.  Not only are you in a public place, but you are in and effing gas station.  Fire + gas = large explosion.  I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, maybe you didn’t know that.  Or perhaps you missed the sign on EVERY GAS PUMP IN AMERICA that state is is “unlawful to smoke.”  I expect you to come in shoeless next time.  Oh, and bring your dog.  You can leave your shirt at home too.  Just, whatever, you know?  It’s cool.  Not like those “rules”/ “laws” are important or anything.

With deep sincerity and a strong belief in water over cigarettes,


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