no shame no gain

There is this crazy thing about running.  All that constant movement greatly increases flatulence.  And you can’t hold it in because that strength is greatly needed elsewhere.  This isn’t so much a problem because I always run alone and usually early in the morning so the likelihood of anyone caring is minimal.  However, with the half-marathon approaching it occurs to me that I will no longer be alone–I’ll be surrounded by 12,000 other runners.  Lynn assures me that there is no shame in running–letting one rip is as normal as stopping for the next cup of gatorade.  But I’m skeptical.

In all this thinking I was reminded of an SNL commercial for a fart machine that transformed the noise of gas leaving the body into a low, monotone, draw-out voice that says things like, “Nice weather we’re having” or “that is a great idea.”  (I wish I could find it…I searched for it already).  So, my conclusion was that it would be ideal to use this contraption while running.  Rather than detering people with your gas, you could utilize it as a conversation starter.  “Races at 6.30 am are really rough.”  “I could really use some water.”  “What’s your bib number?”  I’m convinced that it would make situations much less awkward and increase the likelihood of making friends.



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6 responses to “no shame no gain

  1. you think thats bad.

    The gym is just a a hot bed of flatulence. ESPECIALLY around the squat racks/press machines.

    Think of what you are doing.

    High school weightlifting was a joy to be around 😀

  2. ashlee

    Have I told you lately that I love you?

  3. I always hated talking while running, because my lungs were busy doing something else.
    That fart machine could be a new paradigm in athletic conversations!

  4. Buddy

    Officially your best blog to date.
    There was also an episode of MAD TV where a gentleman had trained his bowels to manipulate the scent of his farts in a positive way. On command.
    Someone might ask to smell cinnamon rolls. He obliged. Veggie Burger. Pepper Steak. And On.
    Might be worth a shot.

  5. phampants

    I knew it! Girls do fart!

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