It’s official. My life is progressing.
Sandy and I signed the lease yesterday (after the most arduous process) and I have a job. In two weeks I’ll be moving closer to Chicago and in a month I’ll be starting an assistantship at the library where I’ll be attending school.
There are a thousand things to do between now and then, but I know it’ll be okay. I’ve spent the last few weeks being upset…in a strange way. I feel like I haven’t been working nearly hard enough for the time I’ve had to take off and the vacations that had been planned for months now. Meaning, when I up and go for the weekend after having worked a half week, I do no feel worthy of the beers or the lavish dessert or the time with my friends. Because, well, I just did that, what…2 nights ago? Expressing this to a friend, I put it this way: “I feel all too comfortable. I’m eating the things I want to eat. Spending the money I want to spend. Seeing the people I want to see. I know it’ll be a big shift in the next few weeks, but in the meantime I certainly don’t feel as if I am denying myself or growing from such denials.”
His response: “We cannot fast while the bridegroom is present.” Oh, Will Hay. You are full of good insight.
When I reflect back on the last few weeks–the time at the Shakespeare Festival, running up to Chicago for interviews and socializing, bachelorette party, a week away with the Sisters of Life, a B&B in Madison–I feel like it has been all play and no work. Maybe I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing anything because I’m not at my desk 5 days a week. There is no TGIF to end it all. Or maybe it is because I don’t have any homework. But reflecting on the situation, and taking Will’s words to heart, I realized that my job now is to be the person that I am being. The crazy-busy-hardly-ever-spends-more-than-2-nights-at-a-time-in-one-place girl. And that is okay. Because without school burdening me, and with such a flexible job (thanks Barb!) I can be this girl. The one who can be there for her friends. And at the drop of a hat can make a fancy dinner for a bride-to-be or be in Chicago for interviews or drive to Peoria simply to have coffee.
And amid it all, I’ve found time to keep running. The Half-Marathon is in less than 3 weeks! All finishers of the LaSalle Bank Chicago Distance Classic will receive a “Big Honkin’ Penguin” medal, said Bingham, inscribed with the words: “The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.”