It’s official.  My life is progressing.

Sandy and I signed the lease yesterday (after the most arduous process) and I have a job.  In two weeks I’ll be moving closer to Chicago and in a month I’ll be starting an assistantship at the library where I’ll be attending school.

There are a thousand things to do between now and then, but I know it’ll be okay.  I’ve spent the last few weeks being upset…in a strange way.  I feel like I haven’t been working nearly hard enough for the time I’ve had to take off and the vacations that had been planned for months now.  Meaning, when I up and go for the weekend after having worked a half week, I do no feel worthy of the beers or the lavish dessert or the time with my friends.  Because, well, I just did that, what…2 nights ago?  Expressing this to a friend, I put it this way: “I feel all too comfortable.  I’m eating the things I want to eat.  Spending the money I want to spend.  Seeing the people I want to see.  I know it’ll be a big shift in the next few weeks, but in the meantime I certainly don’t feel as if I am denying myself or growing from such denials.”

His response: “We cannot fast while the bridegroom is present.”  Oh, Will Hay.  You are full of good insight.

When I reflect back on the last few weeks–the time at the Shakespeare Festival, running up to Chicago for interviews and socializing, bachelorette party, a week away with the Sisters of Life, a B&B in Madison–I feel like it has been all play and no work.  Maybe I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing anything because I’m not at my desk 5 days a week.  There is no TGIF to end it all.  Or maybe it is because I don’t have any homework.  But reflecting on the situation, and taking Will’s words to heart, I realized that my job now is to be the person that I am being.  The crazy-busy-hardly-ever-spends-more-than-2-nights-at-a-time-in-one-place girl.  And that is okay.  Because without school burdening me, and with such a flexible job (thanks Barb!) I can be this girl.  The one who can be there for her friends.  And at the drop of a hat can make a fancy dinner for a bride-to-be or be in Chicago for interviews or drive to Peoria simply to have coffee.

And amid it all, I’ve found time to keep running.  The Half-Marathon is in less than 3 weeks!   All finishers of the LaSalle Bank Chicago Distance Classic will receive a “Big Honkin’ Penguin” medal, said Bingham, inscribed with the words: “The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.”



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3 responses to “60130

  1. I want you to take a deep breath and to get over being upset. Say it with me now, “I’m living my life in the moment. It’s good to take a break. I finished my Big Library Project and it’s summertime. Just like the song says, “the livin’ is easy.”

    You got to go and help the sisters build a house, you got to spend time with your mom, you are working toward the marathon. Enjoy it. You won’t have this particular time and space in your life ever again. Be glad you have it.

    *hugs and love*

  2. Mom

    You are marvelous, and Barb is right!

    You will not pass this way again, so enjoy this part of your journey.

  3. I do love the classics.

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