Well, I said it from the beginning: “I just want to know.”

And now I do.

I feel like I've let my entire corps down. You could easily argue that this has nothing to do with the Blue Stars, but to me, it does. I'm disappointed in myself, embarrassed even.

But I'm not the same player I used to be, and now I know that for sure.

I guess I should have known that that last performance with my buckle was my last performance of my career.

But alas, life goes on. I'm sure there are better things coming for me, and at least I don't have to waste my time practicing anymore. I’m sure my prayers were answered, its just hard to see it at first. *sigh* I'll be ok. Promise. It just stings a little, and my pride keeps getting caught in my throat as I try to swallow it.

Happier entries to come.


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